Volunteer as a Pen-Pal
One among many individual actions you can take on social connection
Dear City Person,
After sharing how letter-writing supported my transition back to Dubai in my last post here, I thought to invite you to get involved in organizations that recruit volunteer pen pals to support those impacted by prolonged involuntary social isolation and loneliness. This is not to say that this is a magic wand that will “fix” social isolation, rather it is one among many small steps we can start with. As I will mention in future posts, loneliness and social connection are not just individual problems but also systemic ones that require systemic solutions. For today’s post, however, I will focus on one small individual action.
I invite you to share names of any other volunteer pen-paling programs by replying to this email or commenting on Substack by clicking on the button below.
Some house keeping before I dive in…
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How I got Introduced to Volunteer Pen-Paling…
I was introduced to the idea of volunteer pen-paling through my experience with First Friends of New York and New Jersey. First Friends offers a range of services for people in US immigration detention centers which includes a pen paling program, visitation program, legal support, and post-release support such as a temporary housing, ESL classes, transportation, bond assistance, and emergency funds. Since I was living in Boston at the time I heard about First Friends, I could not commit to supporting them directly in most of their services so I instead opted to be a pen pal especially as they can benefit from having multi-lingual volunteers like myself.
They paired me with an Arabic-speaker and we exchanged letters for several months. I had the privilege of meeting with them in person after their release and got to meet the wonderful founder and staff of First Friends during my visits to New York and New Jersey. The staff and the people they served felt more like “family” than a transactional dynamic which was refreshing to see given my past experience interning and working in non-profits. Since I did not want to share my address with the detainee, I used First Friends’ office as my return address and they in turn forwarded the mailed responses to me.
Contrary to popular belief, many in US and UK immigration detention are not held for criminal reasons but rather for administrative ones. However, the conditions in immigration detention can be worse than those in the criminal system and many don’t get access to legal representation or interpreters. Click here to read a report by Bail for Immigration Detainees which details the psychologically and physically devastating symptoms that UK-based immigrant detainees experience which includes onset of severe mental illness or worsening of an already present one.
Chronic loneliness and prolonged involuntary social isolation can have major impacts on our long-term physical and emotional health as I have highlighted in my first post which you can find by clicking here and in my perspective paper which you can access by clicking here. While some people may roll their eyes and say “of course being lonely for a long time is bad for us, DUH!” but I find that many people are not aware of the extant of it.
For example, prolonged loneliness and social isolation can be as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and having good enough relationships can raise our life expectancy by 50% (you can find this study by clicking here). It is no wonder that the United Nations General Assembly describes prolonged and indefinite solitary confinement (defined as being 22+ hours per day) as types of torture that are to be avoided no matter the reason. Here is a document that describes their position in detail .
Solitary confinement is further an ineffective form of punishment as a forensic psychiatrist mentions in this Al Jazeera article that you can access by clicking here. He further adds that increases the incidence of prison violence and reduces conflict resolution skills and life skills needed for both before and after release.
Before I continue, here are my questions for readers:
Have you run into any books, articles, talks, podcasts, or studies about loneliness and social isolation that surprised you or at least caught your attention? What surprised you or caught your attention about them?
Around a quarter of people aged 15+ in 142 countries experience moderate to high levels of loneliness according to the Gallup. I am not certain if that number takes into account the people who are in involuntary detention whether in criminal, immigration, or psychiatric institutions around the world. I am also not sure if it accounts for those who are isolated due to chronic medical conditions. I would appreciate it if anyone can share some stats with me on these!
While pen-paling may not entirely replace the value of face-to-face contact, it can still be meaningful. My pen-pal from First Friends still has our letters and reads them at times. They told me how much it helped them feel less alone especially in a country where they don’t have family present and how it was one of the things that kept them going.
If you have run into any interesting studies on the benefits of pen-paling, do share them my way!
There was a similar pen-paling program to First Friends called Unlikely Pen Pals which was based in Australia for refugee children who were detained in Nauru island. I tried searching for it to feature it in this newsletter but I believe the program ended in 2019 after the children were released from the island (though they still have uncertain futures as documented in this UNICEF article that you can read by clicking here).
Aside from First Friends NY/NJ, here are two other organizations looking for volunteer pen-pals below. Be sure to read through the minimum commitment needed, especially with programs that involve children where setting expectations is especially important:
One of my readers, Rita, had mentioned Chronic Cards in her newsletter
which you can find by clicking on the link below:
Chronic Cards matches people experiencing moderate to severe ME/CFS or similar chronic health conditions with pen pals to exchange art cards with each other. You don’t have to be an “artist” or “good” at art to volunteer! Chronic Cards also has an online market where creators experiencing chronic conditions sell their creative works. Click here for more information.
Letters to a Pre-Scientist pairs middle school students with professionals in the STEM field (science, technology, engineering, and math). While this may not at first seem directly related to loneliness and social isolation, I find that privileged folk take for granted the value of social capital which is one part of social connection.
Many of these students may not have family members or other adult figures who have been to university. Some come from backgrounds that tend to be a minority in STEM fields. They thus need connections with role models. Letters to a Pre-Scientist used to partner with the UAE-based Arab Women in STEM Sciences which is how I got involved with them briefly during my time in Dubai. I am not sure if their partnership is still ongoing, but you can still get involved with the main program. Click here for more information about them.
As mentioned, I am open to hearing of more pen-paling programs which you can share in Substack comments or in your email replies! Please share your experience if you have ever volunteered in one before!
Next week’s newsletter will be a monthly reader’s offering. In this case, it will highlight the work of Insightful.AE which was started by one of my readers.
Before I wrap up…
I am ending each of my posts with a randomly drawn conversational card that you can consider using to deepen your conversations with people this week. So here’s today’s card drawn from a deck called Scenario Cards:
“What if you could resurrect a single loved one for just one day? Who would you resurrect, and how would you spend your day together?”
Let me know if you end up using this question in any of your conversations and how it goes!
Click the link here to learn more about Scenario Cards. I currently earn an affiliate fee for every purchase from this link. This is so far the first affiliate partnership I have and I only plan to do so with products I genuinely benefited from. I had previously written a post about conversational cards in general prior to being invited to Scenario Cards’ affiliate program. Click here for the link to the post.
Hi Reema. When I first heard the stats about the impact of social isolation being similar to that of smoking on health I was pretty shocked. But I guess it makes sense.
Shift MS, an international social network for people with Multiple Sclerosis also offers a 1-1 buddy system - https://shift.ms/the-buddy-network. Whilst not traditionally pen-paling, people are matched and can exchange emails, texts and have video calls. I'm planning to volunteer at some point.
Thanks for reminding me about the scenario cards - wow the two examples you've given so far have deeply resonated with me and I've only had the conversation with myself so far!