On Navigating Public Spaces as a Woman
Reflections on a reader's comments
Dear City Person,
In this free weekly newsletter, I have the last post of each month highlight select ideas or resources about urban belonging that were shared to me by readers or my general reflections on my exchanges with readers. As mentioned in my About page here, I named my newsletter Belonging “Co-Lab” as opposed to just Belonging “Lab” because I believe that we are all figuring out how to better connect with one another and with the world and have likely learned things on the way.
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In my post about people watching in Dubai linked here, one of my readers’ public comments that stood out to me below touched on the different ways that women cope with the challenges of being in public spaces:
“I can relate to needing an "excuse" like a journal (though usually my phone) to people watch and not draw unwanted attention. Waiting anywhere in public, airports or grocery lines, I feel that obligation to look busy, even as I'm idling. It's hard to relax (or appear relaxed) in public without letting your guard down.”
Growing up in the 90s in the Bur Dubai side of the Dubai Creek, I remember beginning to experience street harassment by age 12. While I experienced it less often in my Boston years, the harshness of each instance was worse. In fact, one of those instances was so dehumanizing that it had me shaken for a few days and I avoided that part of the street for a month.
The first thing many people wonder about when women talk about such incidents is how we were dressed. I tend to be relatively conservative in what I wear and know of women who wear hijabs and abayas who also get harassed. I believe that every human being, no matter the gender, deserves basic dignity even if they are wandering the streets naked. Regardless, no 12-year old should ever be sexualized by grown adults.
Because these experiences became a part of me learning to navigate the world as a teenage girl and an adult woman, I notice how I slightly tense up when I see a solo man or group of men idling and I would avoid eye contact as I walk. The exception for me is if I’m in an area with enough people around me so I feel safer and don’t tense up. In those exceptions, I can greet or talk to strangers regardless of gender (which isn’t common as I tend to be introverted and most people are too busy on their phones anyway). I still stand to the side if I sense a man is walking behind me to let him pass by in front of me so that he remains within my range of vision.
At the same time, I relished the newfound freedom of navigating a city like Boston on foot alone which I couldn’t do as a teenager in a car-centric city like Dubai in the 90s and 2000s. I feel grateful that I have not personally experienced street harassment since moving back to Dubai in 2018 and feel a lot safer here than in the past so I don’t feel that I have to put my guard up here as much as I used to when I walk alone. (Key words: “as much…” unfortunately the residue of the past is still there in the background lest I let my guard too low). Having said that, it does not mean that it no longer happens to other people as street harassment is an unfortunately universal phenomenon.
The reader I quoted earlier recommended this newsletter by Joy Sullivan linked here who has an essay series about the complicated emotions women experience in different settings.
Her post “Woman on the sidewalk, shouting” captures what I often fantasize about: the opportunity to shout at or fight those who harass me. But I worry about the possibility of violence escalating if I do so…
One thing I am proud of is that despite the real risks of navigating the public as a woman, I still have the capacity to experience the joys of connecting with a place. So while on the external I stay quiet and walk faster to escape harassment, on the internal I am standing firm in my right to belong where I am; my body’s presence and my joy are tiny resistances to the idea that it’s a “man’s world out there.”
Questions I have for readers which you can reply to privately via email or publicly in a Substack comment:
Are there times when you experienced challenges taking up space and relaxing in public for any reason, even if not gender related?
If you answered yes, what contributed to these challenges and how do you navigate them?
If you answered no, what is often your first reaction when you hear of people who feel this way for whatever reason? Has hearing their experiences impacted you in any way?
In next week’s newsletter, I will write about my experience with Lisan, an immersive artwork that touches on urban belonging in the Dubai Creek by Naser Al Sughaiyer, a Dubai-based Palestinian-Jordanian artist and walker. Lisan is being exhibited at Art Jameel in Dubai, UAE until May 2026 and is best experienced after 4pm or 5pm. The opening event linked here has passed but the exhibit is still live. Click here for more on Art Jameel.
If you happen to be in town, then please don’t hesitate to stop by! The exhibit involves a walk but I will have to check during my visit if it is wheelchair accessible and report back. I assume it will be accessible based on my past visits of Art Jameel. I was told that headphones or earphones are essential as the immersive sounds, that can be downloaded to your phone in the link above, are part of the exhibit. I will experiment with what it is like to experience the art with sounds only, visuals only, and both to see if and how my experience of it changes.
If you do end up seeing the exhibit before my next post is live on this coming Thursday evening, then feel free to let me know your thoughts either privately via email or publicly on Substack comments. Let me know if you would like me feature your thoughts of the exhibit in a future newsletter.
Very thought provoking! While I would have to reflect on taking up space as a female as I’ve always worked in male dominated industries and never felt the stigma (that I can quickly recall- I’m sure it’s there!), where I did feel like I was taking up space was as an American living in the UK. I always felt that American mannerisms or loudness were frowned upon. That the only way was the proper English way. I was always on edge wondering WHEN I would misstep next. It certainly created general low level anxiety until the last few years I lived there when I stopped caring and actually relished more in my “cringey” (perceived by the English) behavior and the reaction of the English. 😂
What your reader wrote and what you reported in your newsletter is so incredibly relatable! Whenever I found myself waiting for something or someone and purposely avoided mindlessly scrolling on my phone, I have always felt like my 'not looking busy enough' increased my likelihood to attract weirdos. It's exhausting to be wary of your surroundings and strangers all the time. And I feel like this power difference in how people can inhabit public space (relaxed/careless vs wary/anxious) is not talked about enough, so thank you for writing this awesome article!