What Would Help You Feel Connected in 2025?
Setting Intentions to Belong in 2025
Dear City Person,
I am hoping that the first week of 2025 has been kind to you and that the rest of the year brings you more opportunities to co-create and co-sustain meaningful connections with yourself, with fellow human and non-human kin, and with whatever places you have lived in/are living in or are passing through.
I had originally wanted to write about intergenerational friendships for today’s post. But as I was writing it, I thought of how this is the first post of the year and that it would be more meaningful to me to acknowledge this and to connect it with the topic of belonging rather than to rush through it.
So in this post, I will instead be sharing a set of reflective questions and my responses to them to help us set our intentions to connect with each other and with the places we inhabit both individually and collectively in this year.
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I have some reflective questions to ask readers before I share my own responses to them
These are invitations for us to reflect on how do we want to nurture our sense of belonging this year. Consider using them as journaling prompts.
If writing is not your cup of tea, consider instead responding by drawing a mind map, creating art, audio/video recording yourself responding to these, using them as conversational prompts with other people, or mentally reflecting on them.
You may share your reflections either privately by clicking on the reply button on your email provider or by commenting publicly on Substack by clicking on the “leave a comment button” below the questions.
What intentions do you want to set that can support you in finding opportunities to connect with people, places, or nature?
(urban nature counts, even if you have no “green” spaces near you as I have written in one of my past newsletters that you can click here to read)
How do you want to act on those intentions each day or week, no matter how small the action and no matter how large the obstacles you may face on the way?
What will help remind you to stick to these intentions and actions and notice when you have drifted away from them?
Think of one or more past experiences when you felt most connected. What made that possible for you and how can you recreate some semblance of that now?
Aside from what you can do individually, are there any collective efforts you can be involved in to help others feel connected and that they matter and belong?
What intentions do you want to set that can support you in finding opportunities to connect with people, places, or nature?
I have recently reconnected with a cousin/childhood friend whom I had lost touch with for many years. I am grateful that she has been taking the initiative to reach out and to plan outings with me. I want to make sure that I reciprocate her emotional labor so that it does not become a one-sided connection while also honoring the introvert time I need to recharge my social batteries in between.
This cousin also happens to have a new dog! See the third photo in this post above :-D
Going back to writing nature based poetry, people watching poetry, and creating collage out of found stuff and fallen leaves/flowers. While I often do this stuff at home, I would like to find one or two non-consumerist public spaces I can do this in more often to feel better connected to the community outside my home.
making the most out of what remains from the lovely weather in Dubai by sitting outside where possible even if it is my balcony or opening the windows to let the breeze in to feel connected to the world outside
How do you want to act on those intentions each day or week, no matter how small the action and no matter how large the obstacles you may face on the way?
Going on weekly or biweekly walks with my cousin as she shares my love for long walks. I find it less socially draining to do a shared physical, creative, or playful activity with someone as opposed to going to a restaurant or a coffee shop where the only activities are eating, drinking, and talking. If weather is not pleasant, we can walk in a mall.
Starting the day by opening the windows if the weather is nice and slowing down to appreciate how the breeze is touching my skin. If weather is not good, I could start the day by looking out in the distance and at the birds from my window.
I find it helpful to use the current outing or when I get home after a given outing to plan for the next one. However, I may not always be able to do this whether due to scheduling issues or needing more introvert time to recharge. So it helps to discuss alternative ways of connecting while setting boundaries where needed. Here’s an example:
On December, I was socially drained from many back to back family gatherings while a friend of mine needed support. Given how unpredictable the month was, I could not promise to go out with my friend or to schedule a call and it is important to me that I can be fully present with her when I engage with her.
I let my friend know this and that I can exchange voice notes during the week if I cannot do so the same day. I also checked in with myself to notice when my body is asking for introvert time instead of rushing between a family gathering and messaging her. Generally slowing down and noticing any temptation to respond out of a sense of urgency helps me.
As a fellow introvert, she was very understanding and we both found our voice note exchanges to be mutually supportive and connecting.
If the weather is good, I can do creative activities during a weekend at a small park or beach near me. If the weather is not helping, I will go to a library instead but since most of them in the UAE are closed during weekends, I would have to plan for a weekday morning or afternoon depending on when I am starting work. This has me wish that more libraries operate in the weekends as not everyone is lucky to have spare time to visit a library during a weekday. I don’t find the nearest library to me to be an aesthetically appealing space but I do appreciate what it offers to the community and want to support it. However, there are other libraries that I have either not yet explored or have not frequented enough, one of which is within a 10-20 minute drive from me, so I will plan to visit them. My favorite library in the UAE so far is in Sharjah (House of Wisdom) which is a longer drive from me and the traffic can be discouraging at times.
What will help remind you to stick to these intentions and actions and notice when you have drifted away from them?
being compassionate with myself when I don’t always follow through my intentions, and allowing myself to start again and again even after a long gap as each re-start adds up and is better than not starting at all.
ensuring at minimum that I allow the first few minutes of my day to be fully “me-time” (without screens, as those drain me fast!) so that I can be minimally charged enough to engage socially. To me it can be as small as looking at something far from my window and stretching for 5 minutes (especially as I am nearing my mid-30s and more easily injuring myself, I have found this to be more necessary!). Ideally I would like the first half of my day or full day for “me-time” but this may not always be possible. I acknowledge there are days I need much more than that, so I will focus on doing what is possible and being compassionate with myself when this is difficult. I find it helpful to schedule in my planner the night before how I will start my day. Even if I don’t follow through it 100%, having it visually in front of me helps me start somewhere even if it is a minimal version of what I had originally planned.
having my creative tools ready in a bag and using my Fridays to plan when and where I will go to create so that there is less effort for me and less likelihood of me making excuses on the day of.
Noticing signs in my body, mind, and actions that indicate that I am feeling disconnected and using them as cues to review what I wrote here. The signs I notice for myself are:
lacking in physical energy (this may at times indicate I need more time alone, but if I notice that I am feeling this way after having had enough time alone then it may indicate I need more time to connect (even if not with people, then at least with my plants, the stray cats, or watching the world outside my window)
having difficulty focusing or being present
feeling “foggy” in my head
being more prone to negative judgements about myself or others
Think of one or more past experiences when you felt most connected. What made that possible for you and how can you recreate some semblance of that now?
I miss how much more access I used to have to spontaneous places I could “just be” in without needing to spend money for either alone time or to meet interesting people if I was up for it. This happened less often after my university and graduate school years and more so after I left Boston.
I remember for example stumbling upon the Cambridge Women’s Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts and loving how I could randomly drop into their living room or join one of their free classes or pray in their basement in between commutes. It was one of the rare spaces, outside of family and professional relationships, where I could see people interacting across different generations over shared interests. It had me feel that I had another “home” I can turn to even when I didn’t talk to fellow visitors or staff much.
I also remember once stumbling upon a free typewriting event (which was a lovely surprise for someone obsessed with stationary like myself!). I had multiple conversations with the person who used to facilitate it who then invited me to join art events and one opera performance (now this person happens to be one of my readers!).
I miss a neighborhood crepe place I used to frequent that was next to a church in the neighborhood I stayed in Boston. While being there involved me spending money, the fact that most visitors, including the owner, were members of the church next door made it into a small community except they were not cliquey and they never tried to force their religion on me. This made it easy for me to talk to strangers there while also having introvert time when I needed it. One of the frequent customers there used to live in Al Ain in the UAE and then later moved to Oman with her family. While I have lost contact with them and the cafe has shut down, I still remember my times there quite fondly.
I found all these spaces and more by walking around the city while paying attention to flyers, bulletin boards in cafes, libraries, public transportation, and street lamps or feeling drawn to a random alleyway or signboard and following that. Once while visiting Hartford, Connecticut, I stumbled upon an open art studio and the artists there were quite friendly unlike others I have been to where I felt a more elitist vibe. When I used to be on Facebook, I posted about my experience there and one of my contacts who used to live in that neighborhood for 20 years was astounded at how I found out about this place when she never knew it existed despite being an artist herself.
The built environment, the safety of the neighborhoods I walked in especially for someone who is perceived as “white” in America (until they hear my accent, name, and know where I am from or the religion I practice), and people’s openness to connect all played major roles in my ability to feel connected in the examples I have shared. I also used the times I felt lonely as cues to take action as opposed to listening to shame that was beating me up for feeling that way and that would have kept me stuck in inaction if I followed it.
While the built environment is not something I can recreate here in Dubai, I can still use these experiences to remind myself about approaching my feelings as invitations to act in ways that meet my needs and that are aligned with my values and to notice when I am out of alignment with that. This is different from approaching feelings as things to “fix” or distract from which would not have allowed me to take constructive action where possible.
Aside from what you can do individually, are there any collective efforts you can be involved in to help others feel connected and that they belong?
A colleague recently launched a regional based trauma association and has invited others to propose thematic workgroups. In the first conference by this association, I heard multiple presenters talk about how access to community support and social connection are essential to individual and collective resilience to trauma. This idea was also reflected throughout my training and work as a counseling psychologist. So I proposed to start a workgroup on helping people build connections to each other and to community resources as part of building community resilience.
It is not confirmed whether I will be doing this as my colleague is working to figure out the structure and funding of the association and the workgroups so I cannot share much about it just yet before these are further clarified. Even if this never materializes, at the very least I will come up with initial ideas and questions to explore that may take me somewhere.
I will be involved in collective work in the long-term as I am currently in the middle of a major career shift. I have recently announced to my employers and active psychotherapy clients that I will be resigning from my job as a counseling psychologist on February 28th of this year to start pursuing a degree in public health.
During my studies, I want to explore how to develop and evaluate peer support programs for migrant communities especially for those based in cities that have largely transient demographics.
My long-term goal is to develop a research and development lab that can:
collaborate with urban communities in finding solutions to loneliness and social isolation
offer consultancy to organizations and businesses on how to improve sense of belonging in their office cultures
offer networking opportunities for members who can be fellow researchers, practitioners, and grassroots community members. The membership fee can help support the center.(which can be offered at sliding scale or bartering to increase accessibility).
host peer support groups and social events for the public, both free and paid ones
I hope to start this out remotely before raising enough funds to create a physical space. During the times the physical center is not open, it can be used as a free public drop-in gathering space and can also be rented for events. I am also thinking of incorporating a small “library of things” into the physical center (where people can borrow or swap essential things, not just books on belonging, as a way to cut back on waste and improve access) and a community garden but not sure how logistically possible either of these would be.
I would appreciate if readers can let me know of any similar initiative they are aware of so that I can learn from them or if they can connect me with possible networks, resources, or other ideas that can support me
So far I have gotten accepted to two online MPH programs but I am waiting to hear back from the in-person, US-based, DrPH programs before confirming my admission. I have also applied to one counseling psychology PhD as my advisor from my alma mater recommended it as they have had people do dissertations that were based on program development. My advisor also told me that he has known someone who did an online MPH while doing the counseling PhD at the same time.
I hope to hear back from the doctorate programs by March 15th the latest if not sooner. Even if I end up only doing an online MPH, I will use the extra time to continue my EdX coursework on data analytics using programming languages (will be focusing on R, Python, and SAS) and in taking part in potential initiatives like the one I have described above.
I am feeling both excited and anxious about this shift but I see it as a career “progression” as opposed to a “pivot” as it builds up on my experience as a clinician and shifts from approaching mental health from an individual and intervention perspective to a collective preventative one. I will be sure to keep you all posted on what happens next!
A final question for readers…
Is there anything about my reflections that stood out to you? How come these parts stood out to you?
Plan for Next Month’s Post and an Invitation for Readers to Reach Out
I will keep the topic of intergenerational friendships for next month’s post which will mark a year since I have launched this newsletter! I still cannot believe how I have been able to maintain it for this long as I usually tend to come up with many ideas that never materialize or sustain themselves even when they do.
I am grateful to the for giving me the tools, community, and motivation I needed to start and to keep going. I am grateful to each of you for making this newsletter possible as your presence means a lot to me even if I have not directly connected with all of you one-to-one.
Having said that, I have enjoyed the one-to-one conversations I have so far had with some readers and I am open to having more of that whether over email, Substack direct message, or an audio/video call even if just to say hello. So don’t be shy to reach out by either replying privately to this newsletter by clicking on your email’s reply button or by private messaging me on Substack by clicking on the button below.
Before I wrap up…
I am ending each of my posts with a randomly drawn conversational card that you can consider using to deepen your conversations with people this week. So here’s today’s card drawn from a deck called Scenario Cards:
“What if you could wake up tomorrow with a complete mastery of one of the arts? Which one would you prefer it to be?”
Let me know if you end up using this question in any of your conversations and how it goes!
Click the link here to learn more about Scenario Cards. I currently earn an affiliate fee for every purchase from this link. This is so far the first affiliate partnership I have and I only plan to do so with products I genuinely benefited from. I had previously written a post about conversational cards in general prior to being invited to Scenario Cards’ affiliate program. Click here for the link to the post.
Reema, I wrote a longist comment with some resources for you about tool libraries, a library of things and starting a community garden. When I clicked to post I had to sign into Substack and my comment was lost. If I have time, I'll try to re-create it later.
Happy and blessing new year