Conversations with Strangers
Stories and an opportunity to get involved with Sidewalk Talk
Dear City Person,
Everyday we pass by strangers whose stories we will never know. If we are lucky and open, we may get the chance to talk to one such stranger, perhaps even learn something new or share a good laugh. I will write about some of such encounters that I can remember before highlighting the work of Sidewalk Talk and how you can get involved in your city, wherever you are in the world.
Do you have a story about a conversation you had with a stranger, whether on a bench, in a bus/train, on the plane, while passing each other by, or with a waiter or cashier? What was this experience like for you?
Feel free to share your story by either replying privately to this email or posting a public comment by clicking on the button below. Also let me know if you would like me to feature your story in a future newsletter.
Some house keeping before I dive in…
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Also an announcement of an upcoming event this month by AlSerkal Art Foundation if you happen to be in Dubai. I plan on attending so we may run into each other!:
“How do we carve our path against forced movement? Can we stay mobile in a constrained world? Join us on 23 November, 2024 as the recipients of the Alserkal Arts Foundation Research Grants 2022-2024 present compelling, multidisciplinary projects that address permanence and belonging, urging us to reimagine how we relate to our lives and land(scapes) when faced with slow ecocide alongside disruptive political violence. In This land (is ours, yours, whose?) (هذه الارض (لنا, لكم, لمنو؟ architects and urban researchers Khalda El Jack and Zainab Gaafar document stories of three settlements of south Khartoum to examine how the harsh realities of war unmake and reconfigure our relationships with land. Artist and researcher Lubnah Ansari’s Tracing Temple Ties studies burgeoning dynamics between India and the UAE, where fissures born out of colonial legacies mutate other relational worlds. Through Can we be(come) nomadic?, social scientist Natasha Maru and environmental designer Rhea Shah explore multispecies environments through the lens of mobile pastoralists in Western India, proposing ways to re-inhabit an embodied ground in the fight for environmental justice. With The Domesticity of Wanderers, artist and writer Maitha Alsuwaidi sifts through stories of Ajami identity and collective memory across the Arab and Persian Gulf(s), while looking at the inner world of the home as a totem and a tool. The multifarious diasporas underline the slippages across borders questioning the nature of movement - forced or a way of life? Resilience or acceptance? Subversion or slippage?”
Time: 2PM - 6PM | Venue: Jossa Space, Alserkal Avenue
Click here to RSVP
I used to find it more effortless to have conversations with strangers before smartphones became popular but they also have not completely died out. As a woman, I am aware that this may not always be safe to do in all contexts as I have mentioned in one of my older posts that you can read by clicking here. This is why I have often connected with strangers in places I feel safe in, such as where there are other people passing by within earshot or where I have easy access to a door if I am indoors. I have also learned to pretend I have someone I need to meet up with if I start to feel uneasy during a conversation with a stranger which has rarely happened with me.
Here are some stories and thoughts that most stand out to me as I think about my experiences talking with strangers:
One day in my tween years, I was sitting on a bench outside of a supermarket in a mall in Dubai reading a book while waiting for my parents to finish up their errands. Later, an elderly Indian woman in a sari sat next to me.
After a while passes, she says: “It has been a long time since I have last seen anyone reading a book in public! I hope you keep this up!” As we were briefly getting to know each other, she told me that she is Parsi. It was the first time I learn about Parsis, a Zoroastrian community in South Asia who are descendants of refugees that fled Iran after the Arab conquest there. While I had heard about Zoroastrianism, as a kid I had the impression that it was no longer being practiced let alone outside of Iran and parts of Central Asia. As I write this, I find myself missing learning more things directly from in-person chance encounters, rather than “google-ing” online or through the blessings of “algorithms” in social media.
I have had other experiences in which a book bridged a back and forth conversation with a stranger. One I can recall was when I was browsing books at an independent bookshop called Trident in Boston. There was a young African American woman standing next to me, also quietly browsing the books from the large shelves in front of us.
I pick up a book by Murakami called “Men Without Women” and read its back cover before trying to put it back where I first found it overhead of me. Since I am short, I had some difficulty with this process. Each time I thought I had the book settle back into its home, it came hurling back at me!
By my third attempt, the young lady bursts out laughing: “That book really wants you to take it!” I laugh with her and tell her how the title combined with the fact that a male author had written the book gave me the impression that he was feeling spiteful about being rejected so many times by women so maybe the book was feeling similarly. We laugh some more which warms us into a longer conversation about what we do, our cultural backgrounds, Middle East politics among others. I find out that she too was in the mental health field so we exchanged numbers but unfortunately never stayed in touch.
While most of my experiences involved the other person initiating a conversation with me as I incline towards introversion, I have had few experiences where I was the one who initiated (provided that I had recharged my social batteries enough). Some involved conversations with people experiencing homelessness in Boston. One I can most remember was with a man who used to work as a journalist which had me think how homelessness can happen to anyone.
These conversations, combined with the fact that some of the people I had worked with in Boston experienced homeless whether ongoingly or in the past, shifted my perspective on homelessness. Generally, middle to upper class people in Dubai do not encounter visible homelessness in the streets (though I have heard through word of mouth that it does exist but not in the open) so they may be shocked to see the level of visible homelessness in their travels abroad, especially in so-called “developed” Western countries.
What was a big culture shock for me was seeing the level of rugged individualism in Massachusetts such that it is seen as “normal” for a sibling to be settled in a home in Paris while their brother was experiencing homelessness in Boston as I had heard from one of the people I spoke to.
This was unfortunately not the only example I have seen, and not just with homelessness. At the time, I thought to myself: “If I ever find out that my brother was homeless anywhere in the world, I will cut the globe in half to find him.” Looking back however, I recognize that there may have been unspoken family dynamics or other circumstances I was unaware of that may have impacted the sibling’s ability to help their brother.
I often forget that not everyone has had the interactions I have had with people who experience homelessness so they may have preconceived notions about what it means to be homeless. I myself still have a lot to unlearn so I am not bragging here but wanted to raise awareness to acknowledge the humanity of whoever you are passing by, no matter their social status. We are all busy and in a rush these days, but we can all spare a quick “hello” if we can not do a conversation. Keep in mind that I am not saying we should only stop here doing the bare minimum, but we can at least start here.
I recall being told by a watchman in Dubai how much he valued that I was the only person who greeted him with “salaam alaykum” everyday as he was a solo migrant and was not living with family. While this may not be everyone’s experience, the fact that at least one person told me this gives me the indication that more people are needing this connection. I imagine that this is more vital if they live alone and are having long working hours alone where the only conversations they may be having in a given day don’t go beyond someone requesting to be served.
People often think about mental health as an individual issue with individual or family causes, but a lot of research and clinical work confirms that experiencing dehumanization and social inequality at both systemic and individual levels can hurt people’s mental health. My first post that you can read by clicking here also highlights how much constant loneliness can hurt both our physical and mental health regardless of your social standing. These are thus collective problems that we are all responsible in tackling, and not just the responsibility of the person impacted by them.
Before I continue, I have a question for readers…
What is one thing you can do this month to connect with a stranger? What often comes in the way for you?
About Sidewalk Talk and How You Can Get Involved
If you are struggling with the above question, consider checking out the work of Sidewalk Talk, a community project started by two San Francisco-based therapists, by clicking here.
The organization aims to “…reduce loneliness, promote inclusion, and enhance social health through the practice of listening on public sidewalks worldwide.” They also have a podcast about belonging and wellness that you can listen to by clicking here. The organization is decentralized so each global Sidewalk Chapter will have its own materials, some offered in languages other than English. So far, Sidewalk Talk chapters are located in 50+ cities in 15 countries.
Sidewalk Talk offers training on how to become a better listener. Some of this is donation-based and some involve coaching at a particular cost with all the profits supporting the organization itself. There is also an opportunity to volunteer to become a Sidewalk Talk Listener so that you can join their public listening events in a chapter near you. If there is no Sidewalk Talk chapter located near you, you can volunteer to start one or practice the skills you learn with passersby in your community. Aside from in-person events, you can join online listening events to practice the skills you learned.
This all has me think that if I ever move to a different country again, I will consider looking up a Sidewalk Talk chapter or starting one as one way to help me adjust and meet people.
Do you know of any similar projects in your community?
If yes, do reach out by replying to this email or posting a public comment by clicking on the button below.
For next month’s newsletter I would like to feature one of your stories about connecting with a stranger. If you have one such story you would like to have featured, feel free to reply to this email or leave a comment below!
If I don’t get any story by November 28th, then I will instead write about an interesting communal project a reader told me to look into.
Before I wrap up…
I am ending each of my posts with a randomly drawn conversational card that you can consider using to deepen your conversations with people this week. So here’s today’s card drawn from a deck called Scenario Cards:
“What if after you die you could be reborn as anyone you currently know? Who would you like to be reborn as?”
Let me know if you end up using this question in any of your conversations and how it goes!
Click the link here to learn more about Scenario Cards. I currently earn an affiliate fee for every purchase from this link. This is so far the first affiliate partnership I have and I only plan to do so with products I genuinely benefited from. I had previously written a post about conversational cards in general prior to being invited to Scenario Cards’ affiliate program. Click here for the link to the post.
I think architecture and urban design have a significant role to play , like adding a little club in large residential towers , where residents could meet and socialize , and adding public libraries , some simple scientific facilities and art galleries in neighbourhoods where like minded people could meet each other and get to know each other , in the examples you mentioned there is feature in the space you had been living in that facilitated your encounter with strangers